Honey will you change yourself

Is this a question sitting right on the tip of your tongue? Or you are constantly thinking about this while you put up a supportive face in front of your partner? This happens a lot of times when one is dissatisfied with the partner’s habits and ways, or if the partner is not up to the expectation in any way. Usually, when the relationship is nascent, the level of understanding is a little low, but it moves smoothly because the expectations and the knowledge about each other’s behavior is also less. As the relationship moves forward, the complexity increases and so do doubts and questions, and this can be quite dampening for the relationship.

Once the doubt sets in, it becomes really difficult to get it out of the head. One feels torn between whether to heed to the sounds the doubt is making in one’s head or not to. The hunch may be right, or may be wrong too – how to find out?

The number of annoying habits he has is high – he is a messy eater, he is too organized, his family is an embarrassment, his clothes are always crumpled, he is not crazy for romantic shayari like you are – small little things can really put you off. It may be a habit or trait, which just irritates you too much. You may have some traits which irritate him too – no couple is ever perfectly compatible. You would love to change all those, and so be the case for him, as well.

The first key to understand if the irritation is a valid reason for breaking the deal – is the forgetfulness of his too hard for you to tolerate and shadows the good things about him? Is it something you also cannot talk to him about it? Is it something you have had a talk about but to no avail? To reason out your negotiation level, it is important how strongly or otherwise you feel for this annoyance of yours.

Next, it is quite necessary to understand that things are not always smooth in a relationship. Situations mould and guide the couple’s path, and one needs to work around the imperfections and flaws in a partner to make it work. This is a two-way process and cannot work if only one out of the couple is putting hard work in it. Often what we cannot accept in the partner reflects our disability to accept many things in our own behavior and persona. Look closely and you will find an answer to this.

The best way to put it away is to try your best to cooperate with the issue you have with his certain habits – sing along if you don’t like some song, but he loves it. If you let your guard down, you might be able to see a way to tolerate some of those irritating habits.

Sometimes it is also a good idea to look at one’s instinct. Does it seem to go in the correct direction? Is what happening to you fitting for your value system and principals? Change is something that will go on incessantly; you can neither stop it nor reverse it. But one is gifted with a sense to find out if it is a good change or bad for a relationship. Is he on drugs, trying to force money out of you or cheating on you? For socially unacceptable things like this, one must never put up. It is probably time to say goodbye but without the force of changing according to your wish. He will just hate you for making him do he did not want to in the first place.

Never say, “Won’t you change for me honey?” – Say to yourself – “I need to change for the better”: give him a chance if he is genuine and honest instead of scrapping the deal completely.

Post on :28-Nov-2014, By naksh.ak47@gmail.com

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